Tiny Improvements, Major Hope

In the NICU everything is tiny.  We use a tiny stethoscope, a tiny cannula, and tiny blood pressure cuffs. We have tiny cribs, tiny bottles, tiny diapers and tiny outfits.  We are all assigned our tiny corners with our tiny people where we wait day after day watching for tiny improvements.

Some days it feels like we are walking down a road through a long flat stretch of land.  With no landmarks in sight, it's hard to feel like we are making progress and as others zoom past us we wonder if we are making any progress at all.  Are we moving forward or are we simply using large amounts of valuable energy to just keep from sliding backwards and nothing more?  It seems at these moments, when I'm ready to just pull off the road and start making camp because it feels like we will NEVER leave this stretch of highway, The Lord blesses us with a mile marker.  A reminder that we are still making progress.

Today was one of those days and not a moment too soon!  

I was late coming over to the NICU today.  It took me three trips across the parking lot from the guest house to the hospital before I finally had all my stuff together that I would need to survive another day.  After almost a month at Mckay Dee I am loosing my mind!  NICU brain is SO much worse than pregnancy brain!

I was signing in at the front desk when my nurse came bursting out of our room, waddling as fast as her 7 month pregnant body would allow her.  She looked like an emperor penguin heading for open water and I probably would have laughed if it weren't for the nauseous sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that occurs whenever you see your child's nurse coming at you full speed (whatever speed that is) :) 

I hung onto the counter like it was the only thing keeping me alive as I braced myself for whatever news she had for me that couldn't even wait until I had finished signing my name.  Once she reached me she gave me a HUGE hug and said, "Alyssa, I've been waiting for you to come!  I'm so excited!"  This totally threw me off guard and as I attempted to "reboot" she went on to tell me all the wonderful things Kimber was doing today.

First, Kimber CRIED!  A very short but distinct cry instead of a grunts and "squeaks" she has been making.

She passed her hearing test. (which has been up in the air for a while now)

She is beginning to wake up on her own moments before a feeding and while her eyes are still rolling back in to her head (a slight cause for concern) she seems to be focusing more and gaining more control.

Her movements are becoming less spastic and more controlled and purposeful.  Her "tricks" now include long stretches (after which she is able to pull herself back into the fetal position instead of remaining "floppy"), arching her back, moving her head from side to side, putting her hand in her mouth (which is also a sign of rooting), and grabbing her favorite "toy", her oxygen tube.

She is gagging when she is experiencing acid reflux and her poor little eyes "bug way out on stems" and start watering.  While this is alarming for the poor mother holding her, apparently it is a good sign that she is protecting her airway.

She still is struggling with her suck reflex but she has started rooting more while we are doing Kangaroo Care. (Or "skin to skin")

She hasn't had an episode of bradycardia or apnea in almost 48 hours.

All you new mothers, watch your little baby next time you have him in your arms and think of all the wonderful things he was born just doing!  It's amazing! We have anxiously watched, prayed, and cheered for our little girl as she has figured these things out slowly and surely.

We are scheduled with Primary Children's to get a feeding tube in place and then we are HEADED HOME! 

While asking questions to the nurse practitioner today (who was in total shock at what appeared to be over night improvements) she finally just threw up her hands and said, "You know, I'm not even going to attempt to tell you what this little girl is and isn't going to do because to be honest I never in a million years would have thought I'd be seeing what I am seeing today..."

Now, just to clarify, there are still a LOT of unknowns about what Kimber's mortal experience has in store.  We still don't know what her limitations will be or even how long we will be allowed to have with our Princess Bean in this life but we DO know that we have seen miracles.  We DO know the power of prayer and fasting and of priesthood blessings.  We DO know that we have a very precious little girl who is a real fighter.  

So while this could all change tomorrow, we celebrate these happy mile marker days, gather our baggage of unanswered questions and possible diagnosis and head down the road again towards the next mile marker because as long as we are putting one foot in front of the other we are moving forward!

Love you all! Thanks for cheering us on!