What You DON'T Expect When You Are Expecting... Intro and First Trimester

Here I am, 31 weeks along in my first pregnancy and laid up on bed rest. As I lay here I have had way too much time to flip through the “What to expect when you are expecting” app on my iphone. This app has been so helpful the past 31 weeks. I was always surprised when I would experience a new symptom, open my app and it would say “Are you experiencing (insert new bazaar bodily function) today?” It was like it KNEW! I would find myself saying out loud, “Well yes I am!”

However, NO WHERE on my precious app did it say ANYTHING about being stuck on bed rest with 9 weeks to go and NO way to keep your sanity. As I lay here amongst my mounds of undone laundry and a half painted nursery, I have realized that there are some parts of being pregnant that my app seemed to skip over or just lightly touch on, leading the poor unsuspecting, very expecting mother to believe they must just not be that big of a deal. As I lay here I have realized that there are the unglamorous parts of pregnancy that excited mothers fail to mention to their daughters probably in an attempt to assure themselves the joy of being a grandmother. Because lets be honest, the best birth control in the world would be complete honesty about the not so lovely parts of being pregnant.

Now before I go on let me just say that there are parts of pregnancy I have LOVED. I am SO excited for our little girl to get here (hopefully not too soon). I love feeling her little feet pedaling softly on the inside of my stomach and her little hiccups. It's like we are sharing secrets all day long. I was always taught the miracle and sacredness of being a mother but I feel like I am only now starting to understand it. I write this blog simply as a way of keeping a journal of sorts of the little adventure this has been and to warn the unsuspecting soon to be expecting mothers after me of just a little bit of what may be in store for them. I do still suggest reading the book (or at least getting the app) What to Expect when you are Expecting. It really has helped and they get a little more scientific than I do here.

First Trimester

What to expect:

Mood swings, tender breasts, exhaustion, morning sickness, increased sense of smell, first doctors visit

What you DON'T expect:

Let's talk about these “Mood Swings”. Now if you are anything like me, I am one who has always taken great pride in “controlling” her PMS every month when “Aunt Flo” comes to visit. I have always been able to excuse myself in order to calm down when I know my emotions are irrational and really just a product of all the wonderful hormones we women have raging through our bodies. I have never struggled with “mood swings”. So I was NOT expecting the horrendous roller coaster of emotion I found myself on just before I put two and two together and I found out I was expecting. I suddenly was crying over EVERYTHING. I, very undramatic, level headed Alyssa, was suddenly BAWLING over everything from watching a cow help her calf stand up on wobbly knees moments after birth, to the frustration of not being able to open a can of spaghetti sauce when preparing dinner.

I remember one particular night in our kitchen when my wonderful husband of about 9 months thanked me for dinner, asked how my day was and I totally lost it. This wonderful man who can't even disagree with me about the littlest of things because he is worried about ever making me sad, had no idea what to do but to give me a huge hug and just hold me while I managed to blurt out between sobs, “I. Don't. Even. Know. Why. I'm.... Crying!” I know he had the biggest smile on his face as he got a kick out of his wife totally losing her sanity and dignity in the kitchen but I finally just stopped fighting it and enjoyed a good cry, for absolutely no reason at all.

When it comes to the more accurately described “Mood Cliffs” of pregnancy, just try to remind yourself that its all these dang hormones that are ganging up on you and not that lady who just forgot to cover her mouth when she sneezed in the grocery line, or the inexperienced teenage driver who just cut that lane change a little short, and especially not that wonderful man you live with who thinks you are the most amazing woman in the world. Remember to take advantage of the non emotion driven moments to remind your husband how much you love and appreciate his support. Make a conscious effort to watch and recognize the little things that he does to make your life easier. My husband is not a star chef and laundry folding is definitely not his forte. But my car is always well maintained and the oil is changed on a regular basis. The snow is shoveled and scraped off my windshield in the morning. And he holds my hand when we are hanging out with his buddies. Then go do something just for him (quickly before those evil hormones start convincing you that he drops his socks on the floor just to spite you) I'm sure it's hard on them to watch the woman they love totally lose her mind. :)

“Tender” Breasts. Holy understatement! Have you ever had someone smack you in the chest? Well get ready, because for the next month or so you are going to feel like some Jamaican man just used your boobs as a Congo drum! Poor Shawn couldn't even look at them without me wanting to smack him and ask him just what the heck he was thinking! (probably those mood cliffs again...) Here's the unexpected, and if you have always been quite small in the cleavage department like me, quite enjoyable part of this pregnancy symptom. Can you say BOOBS!?! It was AMAZING! I mean despite the feeling that two small grenades just went off on my chest, I went up almost two bra sizes overnight! If the soreness keeps you distracted from realizing this pleasant side effect, fear not! Your husband will notice MUCH faster than he may notice your new hair cut or fresh nail job. And he will be FASINATED! The other downer to this is that, like a little kid in a museum, he will want to explore these new and exciting items despite the “Do not touch” signs plastered all over the display. Just be patient with him and remind him you are VERY sore but that in a few weeks the soreness will subside a little and he can once again enjoy the “hands on experience”. If he's anything like my husband, his mind will remain “blown” the ENTIRE 9 months, which makes a girl feel great when her belly is blowing up like a balloon but the only thing he comments on is how amazing your chest is.

Exhaustion. There's actually not too much to say about this one. All I would say is to note the use of the word EXHAUSTION and not just “unusual tiredness” or “extreme desire to sleep through the next 100 years”. With all that your body is doing, you will reach a level of exhaustion that you have never experienced before. I swear there were days when I wouldn't do anything out of the ordinary, but by the time the day was over it felt like the nail on my pinky toe was even exhausted! The important thing here I would say is just not to push yourself too hard. I'll admit I'm not a wonderful morning person but once I'm up there's not much sitting around until it's time to go to sleep again.

At one of my first Dr's visits I very frustratedly admitted to my Dr. that I just couldn't do it all anymore without feeling like crap before the day was over. My Dr. kindly just reminded me that even when I'm not doing anything my body is doing incredible things! Your body is forming the placenta and all of your babies vital organs during this stage so remember to go easy on yourself.

Also, remember to drink plenty of water! One of the lessons I learned the hard way is that exhaustion often brings his buddies dehydration and throbbing headache along for the ride. Don't forget, the list of medications you can take, ESPECIALLY during this first trimester, is basically non existent. There is no “pop a few Excedrin to get you through the rest of the day” solution when you've pushed yourself too far, so listen to your body and take it down a couple notches if you need to.

Morning Sickness. Whoever came up with that label HAD TO have been a man... This is one of those pregnancy symptoms that is talked and even laughed about at times and I'm afraid that perhaps this is just one of those things that you don't grasp the severity of until you have experienced it, but let me try to shed a little more light. My little app will tell you that you will experience “nausea” when you wake up in the morning. Let me translate. When you're eyes pop open your first thought is no longer, “Wow I slept good last night” or “What do I need to get done today?” You will now bolt from a dead sleep with the horrific thought of “I don't think I'm going to make it to the toilet on time!” My mom suggested to me to keep crackers by my bed so that I could eat something before I even sat up in the morning but for me all this did was give me something TO throw up when I made my mad dash the the porcelain throne. I finally just decided I would rather dry heave first thing in the morning but to each their own.

You will no longer think “What sounds good for breakfast?” but “What sounds like it would taste best coming back up?” I avoided juices (they burn on the way back up) and really enjoyed Lipton chicken noodle soup because the noodles were so tiny it was an easy down and up without the “chunky” feeling.

And here's the morning sickness kicker... It doesn't just last through the morning! When someone asked me to describe my first trimester, all I could think to say was “Imagine being on the world's WORST carnival ride all day long and as much as you want to you just can't get off...” The trick is just to keep trying to eat little snacks throughout the day. I'm not going to tell you that keeping a full tummy will necessarily stop this nasty feeling, but I will tell you that it is DEFINITELY better than trying to gag something down on an empty stomach.

My only other word of advice in dealing with morning sickness is to keep that toilet bowl CLEAN! I mean like a daily once over! Thanks to your overly sensitive nose (more on that coming up next) as soon as you take in that first deep breath after you have so gracefully hurled your little pregnant guts out, if there is ANY smell lingering around that toilet bowl it is going to send you into a dry heaving frenzy.

Increased sense of smell. Welcome to the sensory world of a bloodhound! The things that snozz of yours is about to pick up will astound and at many times completely horrify you! Driving in the car one day my husband passed one of the smallest, most innocent sounding toots I'm sure a man has ever managed to pass and I thought I was going to die! I had to have him pull over the car so I could throw up (and trust me, he and I both SO wish I was joking about this.) This new found super sniffer combined with your ever present “morning” sickness makes the world a horrible horrible place. Avoid the seafood section at the grocery store at ALL costs if you want to avoid making a scene and stock up on candles.

Another wonderful result of this terrible duo is food aversions. I remember preparing chicken for dinner one night and suddenly I was VERY aware of the smell of raw meat. All at once all of my favorite recipes were causing me to gag. I finally got to the point where I could very quickly put together a small meal for my starving husband but there was NO WAY I was going to be able to choke down that same dinner. My advice, don't even try! My tricks for dealing with this phase is to write a menu for your hubby and a corresponding grocery list. Trust me, if you don't have a list, when you walk into the grocery store nothing on the planned menu is going to sound like a possible fate and you will abandon half the things you had planned. While completing your grocery list keep an eye out for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that sounds good to you. No matter how bazaar your cravings may sound to the unpregnant ear, your body has a weird way of knowing what is going to work. You've just got to listen and be brave enough to try it out. One night while preparing dinner for Shawn on a day when I had barely managed to keep anything down, I opened a can of cream of chicken soup and it hit me. THAT was what I needed. I grabbed a spoon and ate half of it straight out of the can. Shawn just about gagged but it was the only thing to successfully stay down that day. My other pregnancy cravings were more “normal”. Grapefruit, clementines, tomato sandwiches, and roasted vegetables were the most common.

 

First Dr's. Visit. Expect a blood draw, urine sample, and at most places your first ultrasound and/or hearing your babies heartbeat for the first time.

What I didn't expect was how long they have you wait before coming in for the first time. I was almost 13 weeks before my first appointment, but they usually want to see you sometime between 8-12 weeks. This is to make sure everything has developed to the point that they can actually pick up things like a heartbeat and a clear ultrasound image.

What you don't expect is how soothing hearing that little rabbit like heartbeat for the first time is on your frazzled, hormone charged pregnancy nerves. What you don't expect is how comforting it is to hear a medical professional tell you that “Yes, you are pregnant and you aren't completely losing your mind and control of your body”. And what you don't expect is that breath taking moment when the ultrasound comes in to focus and for the first time you see what all the puking and exhaustion has been about. What you may not been prepared for is the instant love and sense of responsibility you feel for this plum sized human being. As you watch little arms and legs stretch and kick what you may not be expecting is how quickly you will admit to yourself that the last 12 weeks were totally worth that one moment.